Visual Listening

Upcoming Interview on "Negotiation Tip of the Week " a Podcast Show

2010-04-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am so very proud to be the featured interview on an upcoming podcast "Negotiation Tip of the Week" with Joshua Weiss, PhD. Please tune in to the podcast at, http://www.negotiationtip.com/ or listen from my website http://www.visual-listening.com/.

Joshua Weiss is currently the Associate Director of the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University. He received his Ph.D. from the Institute for Conflict Analysis and Resolution (ICAR) at George Mason University in 2002. Dr. Weiss has spoken and published on negotiation, mediation, and systemic approaches to dealing with conflict. In his current capacity he conducts research, consults with many different types of organizations, teaches courses on Negotiation, Mediation, and Conflict Management and Resolution, and practices the art and science of negotiation at the interstate, intrastate, and organizational levels.

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

Your Voice is Your Handshake

2010-03-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

Each time we answer the telephone we are shaking hands with the caller. You wouldn't think of entering a meeting without washing your hands to freshen up your kinetic communication. Neither would you hand out a business card that was bent and crumpled? Why wouldn't you have the same expectation of your vocal introduction? And how rude of you not to thank someone for their business card.

Would you think it appropriate to mumble when speaking in a crowd? How well are you listening to your communication partner? If you shake hands and receive a like grip you feel confident in the relate ability of the other person. The same holds true for your verbal communications.

This is all true and more so when like the millions of people around the globe that each day use the telephone to connect with someone new. When you consider that more than half of your daily communication is done over the telephone why would you not think of how you sound to the person on the other end. Likewise are you hearing all they have to say? There are hidden signals in every communication event and I have made it my goal to help you hear more and listen better.

In the coming weeks I am going to take you on a journey through the communication cycle. The Art of Visual Listening is your "Verbal Handshake" tune up. When you consider that 85% of what you say is nonverbal and you are spending more than 50% of your day on the telephone you need this tune-up. This means that on the scale of effective communication you aren't even at 10% effective!

In this tough market we all need to take advantage of every opportunity to improve our communication skills offered to us. This is the single most important tool a professional can hone, your voice.

If you can't wait for next week feel free to contact us and we'll schedule a training session one-on-one or for your entire firm. Either way you should consider getting my book to help you follow along with this unique training.

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

Talk, Talk, Talk…

2009-12-14T11:44:00.000-08:00

This post to the blog is a direct result of my personal experience with customer service reps this week. I am not much different from the rest of the world. There are times when I find it necessary to call a company and speak with a real person regarding some product or service challenge I am experiencing. This week it seemed that I needed more assistance that usual.

I discovered there are three specific types of customer service reps.

The first is the friendly chatter. This is, in my opinion the best. This is a true service oriented rep. He/she always speak to the customer like they are talking to their favorite aunt or uncle. They are very pleasant and very helpful.

The second type is the speed reader. This is a customer service reps who is reading from a script and will not or cannot be stopped in mid sentence or they will lose their place. God help you if this happens because they will start the whole script all over again. They simply will not be interrupted!

The last is the mumbler. This customer service rep starts out like to friendly chatter, good so far. Then the wheels come off the wagon. While they are researching the question at hand they mumble to themselves. They think they are having a conversation with when in fact they are completely confusing you, the customer. You are confused because you’re not sure if they are asking you a question, if you should answer or are they talking to someone else. Neither is true, they are trying to talk themselves through the navigation of the problem.

Almost all customer service reps begin their conversation with the same basic phrase, something like, “Hello how are you today?" Or, "How might I help you today?” most of them mean it, for others it’s something they’re supposed to read from the script. And still others have been counseled by their supervisor regarding their communication skills and think they are supposed to say this phrase to be “in” a conversation.

So, how can you tell which type of customer service representative you are speaking with? There are some basics of human communication “The Art of Visual Listening” that are important to keep in mind. If you own my book, “Don’t Look At Me In That Tone of VOICE!” read the section on page 26, titled “Perspective and Emotion: the GGNEE Effect©. If you don’t have your copy you can buy it from this blog today!

Here is an excerpt from the book;

“This diagram illustrates the GGNEE (pronounced “Jenny”) Effect© of how varying perspectives eventually narrow down to a universally-shared, emotion-based response.

Communication, with or without conflict, begins on the macro level of gender. This is the single most obvious and identifiable differential in any type of auditory communication. For the most part, a male voice is different from a female voice. Plus, the way men convey an idea is very different from the way women convey the same idea.

Within the first few seconds of a telephone conversation, we can easily garner some glaringly basic facts about the other person. Gender is one of the first facts we learn, followed by the approximate age of the speaker, and so on. “

Once your brain has taken all of this into consideration you have made some assumptions. By the way, all of this happens instantly and without your consciously knowing it is occurring. Now you begin to listen to the subtleties of tone, inflection, rate and numerous other factors. Tone, this will indicate mood. Everyone who has been or who has had an assistant has heard “Smile when you answer the telephone.” Why, because your smile can be heard on the phone. That's tone. Intonation is the emphasis placed on words or syllables, as in “Read my Lips!” Rate is the speed of the person’s speech. If they or you are nervous your rate will increase. If they are comfortable with what they are doping the rate will be more measured and thus a more easy/friendly pace.

I hope this help you the consumer of services and those that render support in speaking and listening better.

So, until next time, “The better we listen to one another, the better we hear one another…

Rik

Hearing is Believing

2009-11-18T15:52:00.000-08:00

What can you really hear?

The following is based on actual news events. The details remain accurate however, the name of the location and those involved have been changed. As you read the incident notice the quote from the victim's friend.

Home Invaders Surrender after Standoff
Actual incident date: November 2009

ANYVILLE, USA. -- Three burglars surrendered to Law Enforcement after a home invasion and standoff. Police received a call just before 12:30 p.m. that said there was a home invasion in progress.

Police spokeswoman said a resident of the home was on the phone with a friend and said,
"Don't shoot me."

"That friend could tell by the phone conversation what was going on and notified police,"
said the officer.

A negotiator and SWAT officers were called to the scene. Upon arrival, police assessed the situation and determined the home was still occupied. One of four men who invaded the home was immediately arrested. The three others remained in the house but surrendered later.

The art of Visual Listening is based on just such an interpretation of human communication. In this instance it helped greatly that the victim and the friend on the telephone were familiar with one another. This is NOT however a requirement to use the techniques of Visual Listening. We discuss in the book, "Don't Look at Me in That Tone of VOICE!", how we all possess a sense of intuition if you will. We discuss how this instinct is primal to all human development. We the all possess an innate ability to read into the sounds of another human their emotional state, even their physical state or body language.

To is easy practice this skill. Next time you record a television program, turn it on and turn your back to the TV screen leaving the volume at a normal level. Then picture in your mind the physicality of the actors, their body language. Try to listen for all of the other sounds present and write down everything you hear. Now check your assumptions by rewinding the program and watch it to see if you were correct.

This is a great exercise and can be repeated often with any number of programs. For a real scenario variation try adding background noise to your location things such as other ongoing conversations.

To better follow the thread of this topic you should buy the book right now! You'll learn more about human communication in the unseen world of the telephone. You will learn about The Art of Visual Listening!

Until next time, listen carefully and think before you speak!

Manager or Dominator

2009-10-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

How do you know you were heard?

When you begin a conversation with someone on the telephone do you manage the conversation or dominate it? If you manage it you are a rare and gifted communicator. One that is understanding, respectful, patient and friendly. If you manage the conversation you are a person who is more concerned with the success of the communication event, and less with making your point or having your story heard. Most times when we talk to another we have an agenda, something we need to communicate.

What we often forget is communication is a two way street and the other person most likely has an agenda as well. To make the most of our encounter we must always remember, the other person has things they need or want to communicate too. Let them, and you'll be seen as a great communicator, not a dominator. Give the conversation room to grow and expand, listen to what they have to say. As my father used to say, "Use your ears more, they have a bigger role in life, that's why there are two of them."

Just like these gears, as each speaker takes their "turn" the "conversation" gear changes directions. This allows for the free flowing of thoughts and ideas. You never know what you'll learn from someone else until you "Hear" them!

Everyone sees life from their perspective, through the eyes of their own id. This "self centered" approach to communication is fraught with land mines. Misunderstanding, Misinterpretation, misrepresentation, hurt feelings and in some cases anger. Do you think you hear other people in your conversations? Do you think they felt as though they were heard? Did you feel like you were heard?

Think back on your last telephone conversation, what were you doing while the other person was speaking? If you are thinking about what you have to say, how your story applies or what you need to buy at the grocery store, you cannot possibly be following the conversation or processing what the other person is saying to you.

A truly great communicator is not the one doing all of the communicating all of the time, it's the person who is willing to listen and understand the thoughts of the other person...first!

To better follow the thread of this topic buy my book. You'll learn more about human communication in the unseen world of the telephone. You will learn about The Art of Visual Listening!

Until next time, listen carefully and think before you speak!

Four Things You Need to Know About Telephone Talking

2009-10-05T16:14:00.000-07:00

In the beginning man uttered grunts and groans to the person next to them to indicate a rudimentary thought. The hollow tree stump to be used as a drum was the next evolution. This gave way to fire, and smoke signals were born. This was closely followed by telegraph, radio, telephone and then the pinnacle of communications the internet.

Somewhere along this progression we lost our ability to understand the most basic of all human communications, the voice. We lost the ability and some would argue the desire to really communicate and to really understand one another. Over the next few postings I will be discussing this in greater detail. I would love to share this communications journey with you. In order to come along you'll need to go to my blog and become a follower. Following my blog does not obligate you to anything other than you might enjoy what we discuss on this site. It also helps promote the blog by raising it in the search rankings. Please take a moment and become a follower right now. Click here: Visual-Listening Blog

Now back to our story. If you were like me, you bugged your parents for months until they finally relented and bought you your first drum kit. This is where it all went very bad. You began to communicate, not realizing that everyone within a three block radius could hear you murdering the drum solo to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. It is precisely this range of sound that attracted the ancients to use the drum, originally a hollow tree. They could communicate over vast distances.

There was a limitation in the beginning. If your village was under attack and you sounded the distress call on the drum it sounded "Tonally" the same as "hey what's for dinner" There was no sense of urgency to the sounds.

This problem was resolved in central Africa by the Bantu speaking tribes. They developed the drum equivalents of their language a sort of Morse code. A word, whether, in English or a form of Bantu can have a completely different meaning depending on the intonation expressed. In my book, Don't Look At Me In That Tone of VOICE! I discuss this in terms of a musical sing song-ness to our speech. These tones indicate many things such as urgency, fright, pleasure, etc.

The drums of the Bantu can easily replicate these tones. There are, as you might expect, limitations to this form of communication. Many words contain the same number of syllables. One might assume confusion would set in, not so. The tribesmen of the Bantu speaking nations say they can hear the difference by the context the drummed phrase is sent in. As you might imagine a message sent using drums could be quite lengthy.

Now we return to your mangling of the In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida drum solo. How good a communicator are you? Can you hear the tonal changes in the voice of the person you are speaking with? Do you pay attention to these "Speech Road Signs?" Are you listening to the overall speech and not simply thinking about what you are about to say? I recommend you take a tip from the Bantu drummers. They cannot drum (speak) over one another, if they are to hear and comprehend the message. Thus you too should listen to the entire message before you formulate your thoughts and response.

Until next week, listen carefully and think before you speak!

SPECIAL OFFER: Win an autographed book!

2009-09-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

Please take a minute to read my blog and if you like what you read, become a “follower”. (Click to the right) This blog’s the only place you can get my exclusive content and information about Visual Listening and the GNNEE effect. This is content I wanted to include in the book but had to leave out due to the publishing limits.

There are great exclusive offers only available for Blog followers. Here’s the first offer. Be among the next twenty people to follow my blog and you could win one of the first, autographed copies, of the new 2nd edition of “Don’t Look at Me In That Tone of VOICE!”

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

The New Book is Here, The New Book is Here!

2009-09-16T13:53:00.000-07:00

Well it’s done. I’ve sent my manuscript off to the printers and now begins the arduous task of letting everyone know the book is available and that it has valuable information you can put to use immediately.

On my last post I posed some questions. I'd like to answer them so here goes.

When can I get the new book? The release date from the printer is September 30th. I will be hosting a release party and the details of that will be forthcoming in my next post, so check back often for those details.

Where do I get my copy of the new book? The easiest way to get you own copy of my book is from my website, Visual-Listening.com. Or if you prefer a special gift you can email me through this blog and I’ll send you a autographed copy. This makes a great gift.

How can I get Rik to speak to my company or group? I am always interested in speaking on this and many other topics. If you’d like to host me at your club or organization you can contact my office through this blog and we’ll get right back to you and work out the details.

These are all great questions and I’ll bet after you read my book you’ll have so good questions about that topic as well. If you have any questions regarding Visual Listening or remote communication please leave a comment or contact me and I’ll be glad to address them in future blogs.

I will be back next week to answer some of your questions, offer thought provoking ideas and to challenge you all to do something extraordinary. So please come back next week and read what’s new.

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

Second Edition of Book Is On It's Way

2009-08-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well I suppose it's about time I let you in on what's been keeping me from making more frequent posts to my blog. The last year was a banner year for me. I wrote my first book almost exactly one year ago this month. Since then I have SOLD OUT of that edition. Wow, can you believe that? I still can't grasp that this topic was so well received. The encouraging thing is it only took nine months to sell out of the entire first printing. During those critical first few months I did a lot of speaking and got a lot of great feed back on the book and the speeches. Lot's of you had great stories and personal insights to share. I value all of that input and have honored your requests for additions and changes.

Speaking of changes, the book is sporting a new look for this release. That's it to the right.

The new edition of the book now has some fascinating new chapters. Among them is a chapter of real life case studies I conducted in my research over the years. I had the opportunity to work with some really incredible companies as consultant last year and gained some very valuable insights. I have shared these with you in the new book. Many of these case studies relate to customer service. Great for your call center staff or anyone else who talks to the public on behalf of your firm. There are many new examples of how to recognise and use the techniques of Visual Listening.

So, you are asking when can I get the new book? Where do I get my copy of the New book? How can I get Rik to speak to my company or group ? These are great questions. I just don't have all of those details and contracts signed yet. I will be back next week to answer all of these questions and more, just for you. So please come back next week and I will have worked out all of the details by then.

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

See me live February 9th, 2009

2009-01-25T10:41:00.000-08:00

Wow, here is a great opportunity to see me present a short version of my book topic Visual Listening. I will be presenting to The San Diego Professional Coaching Meeting on February 9th, 2009. If you currently coach by telephone or are planning to start, don't miss my upcoming presentation. While remote coaching is cost effective in terms of time, travel and expense, it can set in place a series of communication road blocks. You'll learn about Visual Listening (VL)--a set of techniques developed specifically for coaching professionals and others, such as hostage negotiators. Visual Listening takes the audience from hearing to listening.

The key is listening to the meaning of the words in the tone of the body language. Visual Listening is a mixture of, sales, negotiations, performing arts, public speaking, speech pathology, accent modification, linguistics, and much more. You will leave with a new set of tools to better communicate with clients.

The "Don't Look At Me in That Tone of VOICE!" program examines the complexities of communications with your clients whether they are those of differing genders, ages, geographic backgrounds, origins of birth education, and emotional states. It also explores the intricacies of the human voice, such as pitch, intonation, stress, rate, volume, and other characteristics. This presentation will help you by:

Understanding how humans/clients evaluate every communication and how that evaluation effects all ongoing communications.

Gain an insight to the mechanics of communications that can normally only be seen. You will learn to "Hear/Listen" for them in your telephone.

Enhance your practice by boosting your ability to more clearly communicate and understand clients, both near and far.

I hope to see all of you there but, if you can't make it please subscribe to this blog so you can stay up on all my future appearances and speaking engagements.

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

Mark your calendar

2009-01-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

Well I have certainly been busy. Last October I was asked to be an expert guest on interpersonal communication for the hit Bravo TV show Millionaire Matchmaker. It was a great experience and I thoroughly enjoyed being part of the production. My part in the show was to assist a young man in making the best impression possible to his potential date. This proved to be a bit more of a challenge that any of us thought. But, you'll have to stay tuned and see how I was able to manage this Chicago native in the Los Angeles search of the perfect dating experience.

This season premiers on February 12th be sure to tune in and post your comments when my episode airs. I'm not sure which date my episode will appear but please check back and I'll be sure and keep you informed.

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

Don't be a Brick Layer

2008-12-19T10:39:00.000-08:00

Communication can be a very difficult thing during the holidays. You may find yourself caught up in family politics or embroiled in some hidden angst from past seasons. I would advise that you look beyond the moment and think about your future. You may not be able to alter the past but you certainly control your future.

Think of your relationships like the brick layer. Every wall the brick layer makes is built to last a millennium. He begins by digging a trench called footer. This is where the wall gets its foot hold on which to build. This is how the wall is able to stand for so long, unmarred by time or space. Next the craftsman selects the perfect brick which to lay his first course. The word course is important in that it indicates whether the wall will be straight and tall or curved with purpose or plumb and straight. If this first row is laid with care the wall will last for ever.

The purpose of a wall is to what? It's to do one of several things, keep valuables protected, to secure personal property from the view of others or to hide something from the world! Think back in your life’s relationships. Have you been a brick layer? Did you dig the trench, did you lay the first brick, did you mean for the wall to last forever? I think not. In most cases you were caught off guard in the heat of the moment and felt threatened. Your defense mechanism was to protect yourself by building a wall. The only problem is you forgot to tear it down when you were no longer being threatened.

Take a moment, survey your land, check for walls that are no longer needed and tear them down. Because, there is one other reason someone might build a wall... to keep from seeing out. To keep from looking into the world for what it is, an imperfect place filled with mistakes and miscommunications. Tear down your walls and let the world show its better side. The world can be a passionate place, a loving place, a place where you can rediscover yourself, your loves and your loved ones. Tear down that wall this holiday season and reconnect with someone you have been separated from.

“Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”

Ronald Regan US President

Remarks at the Brandenburg Gate

West Berlin, Germany

June 12, 1987

Have a FANTASTIC holiday season!

Rik

Visual Listening: Rik on the Radio

2008-11-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

Visual Listening: Rik on the Radio

Here is the Show Link: http://www.modavox.com/voiceamericacms/ECardLinkFiles/_11182008111303AM.html

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

Rik on the Radio

2008-11-24T11:36:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a great opportunity. I was fortunate enough to be interviewed by a leading business consultant, Linda Finholz. Her radio show "The Spark Effect" is broadcast on Voice America Business. If you'd like to know more about me and how I got to where I am today I encourage you to click on the link to the shows web site and look for the archived show date 11-24-2008. The show title is "Success Hides in Plain Sight" I discuss everything from entrepreneurship to writing the book. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed the interview.

Have a FANTASTIC week!

Rik

Great News! Great Speech!

2008-09-29T11:15:00.001-07:00

Well it is happening; the book, “Don’t Look at Me In That Tone of VOICE!” had its unofficial release last Thursday at the Southern California Association of Hostage Negotiators (CAHN) 2008 annual Conference. With nearly 250 members in attendance and a new book topic to share I was very excited. Being the featured afternoon speaker was a great honor. The event was, by all indications, a spectacular success. The topic, Visual Listening, was well received. The feedback I received was very positive and indicated that Visual Listening is and innovative and fresh topic. A number of officers told me this topic is vital to their professional lives.

Specifically the CAHN members told me that the topics on the GGNEE Effect were of the most help. The inter-Gender communications and Inter-Generational portions got the most questions and interaction from the attendees. The other topic which seemed to get a great deal of attention was the cultural communications portion. As you can imagine in today’s America, there are a great number of ethnic, cultural and regional cultures that we interact with daily. I gave them some real world practical solutions for managing the communications in these groups. I had a GREAT time working with CAHN. What a great group of people. A big Thank you to them for inviting me to present. I’ll see you all next year!

Book sales out performed our expectations. We are already looking forward to our second edition. There are plans for enhancement and additional chapters to be included. I hope you will order your copy today and let me know how we can improve the topics and content.

We plan to release our book web site complete with a PayPal account by the end of next week October 10th, 2008. Look for is at www.Visual-Listening.com. If you can’t wait email the published for your copy today SageCADRE@Gmail.com. If they receive you email request before Friday October 3rd, 2008 I'll sign your copy!

2008-09-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

Thank you for finding me. This is the inagural posting for my new blog. I will commit to keep the content relevent and timely. So what is the topic? I have just completed a book titled "Don't Look At Me In That Tone Of VOICE!" The subject of the book is...well Let me share the introduction page from the book with you, this should help you understand this unique topic.

People change for only one of two reasons: Crisis or Quest. Regardless of your reason, I believe that if you practice the techniques in this book, you will become a better communicator in all facets of life. Visual Listening Techniques, are a set of thechniques I have developed, is a program that has been a lifetime in the making. Forged from a world of personal experiences and observations, Visual Listening techniques is a mixture of methods, sales, negotiations, performing arts, public speaking, speech pathology, accent modification, linguistics, and much more.

Visual Listening Techniques introduces its participants to an entirely new way of communicating and listening. It specifically targets professionals, such as those in the California Association of Hostage Negotiators, whose primary mode of communications is done remotely, without the benefit of seeing those on the other end.

Negotiators in all areas of life and business must become masters at understanding nonverbal behavior in order to diagnose the often subtle dynamics of a situation and the people involved. Nonverbal communication offers valuable clues to people’s underlying defenses, mixed feelings, hidden agendas, and intentions. Negotiation team members and their counterparts also benefit from developing this awareness. The ability to decipher, analyze, and understand nonverbal communication in any interaction allows participants to modify the problem-solving process as well as to address the content and nature of the actual issues.

This program examines the complexities of communications between those of differing genders, ages, geographic backgrounds, educational levels, origins of birth, and emotional states. It also explores the intricacies of the human voice, including pitch, intonation, stress, rate, volume, and many other characteristics.

As a supplement to the seminar presentation, the hands-on exercises are designed to engage participants and train them to become more self-aware when communicating with others. Each participant will learn one of life’s most elusive communication skills: how to “shut up and just listen.”

Visualizing human communications requires that we first examine nonverbal communications. This program teaches how to be more aware of the physiological indicators of paralanguage cues. You will develop various methods to understand these cues from a distance (telephonically) when line of sight communication is not attainable. The interlacing of nonverbal and verbal responses will also be examined. Several practical exercises will develop your emotional, intellectual, and auditory perceptions of communications.

Although this program focuses on remote listening skills, its value is not lost with in-person communications. In fact, by utilizing the concepts of this book, your understanding of body language will increase dramatically. This skill set is helpful in many settings—not the least of which is in face-to-face negotiations, interrogations, or depositions. Plus, the program provides the incidental benefits of enhanced interpersonal skills with patrol partners, colleagues, supervisors, and significant others.

I hope this has encourage you to join me for more thoughts on Visual Listening. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and getting to understand how this technique has helped you or someone you know.

Have a FANTASTIC week!